sense of time

okay . I have been sick for a while . 7 weeks and 2 days to be exactly . wow just as i look in my calendar I realised it has aldready been 7 weeks...


but . today was the first day I've got the wrong weekday.
In 7 weeks I've had the sense of time . or sense of weekday. I lost the date long time ago, but I could tell that today is monday and in two days my therapist would come ect. ect.
but today I got it wrong.

not that it is important, because I have got my mom to schedule everything for me . but the thought was intimindating - for the first time in 7 weeks or . in a year I lost it - I lost the control

not that I am a controlling kind of person, but I lived on my own, had my own plan for everything - but today I finally realized that I was not in control with myself . not only phisically . also mentally .

I could not even count the weekdays . it is seven days.. it is not that hard . 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 -
but I lost it


writing everything untill here went fast . but now I am stuck.
Maybe should I just refer to the previous post about To change was not the hardest, but to realize is.

Many would have thought . what is the big deal, you made a mistake counting, so what, everybody does.
but I think the most intimindating part of this is I realized that I like control, eventhough I might not seem to be, and I have always wanted to do the opposite.


but I don't know . maybe I just over-interpret the situation, but the chills that ran through me because of the situation is real..