truth hurts

sometimes . the truth hurts so much it's better without

but is concealment better than truth ?

does silence hurt less? - I guess not

concealment just lead to doubt, to wonder, to uncertainty
and it's not fair

or at least I think it's not...


today I told the truth about how I feel to a friend, and she got really hurt and said "I can't believe I like a person, who is able to do such things, so much" and she hurted me too by saying the truth about me, so I said "I'm sorry you liked me so much, take care" I don't know if we are ever going to talk again, but we were really good friends - or we were good friends in periods. there were periods where we weren't so close (and that was part of what I told her, which hurted her).


I thought a lot about it before I told her what I said, but she always told me to tell the truth, things are much easier, so I did. But it didn't seem to be such a good idea anyways in the end. 




sometimes being to too honest is a disaventage.

Love game

Until yesterday I haven't been aware of the term love game
I always thought it was just something ppl called it

But it seems the game is about either getting someone or runaway from someone - by using strategies
Call me naive but those kind of things never crossed my mind . But I know some of my friends are really good at it. By sending signals, using others etc etc

I have never been good at getting someone I like nor getting away from those I don't like

When I think about it, aren't all games the same?
By killing others, making teams or using strategy to move you around to get some prize or points
Or
Escape from some monster or bullets
Or both

Maybe it is because I have never been good at playing cards or computer games

Of course we all have to use strategies to get what we want - lying to our moms about homework to get more time to play, planning workouts and diets to loose weight and love is apparently a part of the big game called life

I just never thought it all was a game before
Our life is a game - you constantly loose and win
And by winning and loosing you build your empire, team and gain experiences
And maybe someday you will loose it all and start from the ground

But we don't know if we die, what would happen - maybe the same game, maybe a new
But we have to do what we try to do in computer games - not to die and win

sense of time

okay . I have been sick for a while . 7 weeks and 2 days to be exactly . wow just as i look in my calendar I realised it has aldready been 7 weeks...


but . today was the first day I've got the wrong weekday.
In 7 weeks I've had the sense of time . or sense of weekday. I lost the date long time ago, but I could tell that today is monday and in two days my therapist would come ect. ect.
but today I got it wrong.

not that it is important, because I have got my mom to schedule everything for me . but the thought was intimindating - for the first time in 7 weeks or . in a year I lost it - I lost the control

not that I am a controlling kind of person, but I lived on my own, had my own plan for everything - but today I finally realized that I was not in control with myself . not only phisically . also mentally .

I could not even count the weekdays . it is seven days.. it is not that hard . 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 -
but I lost it


writing everything untill here went fast . but now I am stuck.
Maybe should I just refer to the previous post about To change was not the hardest, but to realize is.

Many would have thought . what is the big deal, you made a mistake counting, so what, everybody does.
but I think the most intimindating part of this is I realized that I like control, eventhough I might not seem to be, and I have always wanted to do the opposite.


but I don't know . maybe I just over-interpret the situation, but the chills that ran through me because of the situation is real..

Complexes

Everyone has complexes - things about themselves they dislike

I have just started to like myself a little more then I broke my back . Now I'm back hating myself again . Fml

The only way to succes

Lol i Think it's my first post about makeup

It's 2am in the morning

It's not the prettiest picture and it's not taken by anyone I know -


but it's what in my mind -

it's the city I was born and raised -
it's where my family live -


it's me


Lol I think it's the first post ever made about my family lol

Two years of blogging lol

Damn

I did it again
Comfort eating

I hate myself